Rarely do I encounter couples who claim to have “loved” their marriage preparation course or “gotten so much out of it.” The sad reality is that most couples dread going and view it as a chore rather than the enriching experience that it is designed to be. Even the optimist who dives in thinking “you get what you put in” most often comes away feeling, well…underwhelmed.
Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. Great marriage preparation courses, usually independent from what a diocese might prescribe, do exist. The problem is that they are too few and far between. That’s not to say that we are lacking great instructors, quite the contrary. Many who undertake the instruction of marriage preparation usually do it out of sheer passion and with a deep understanding of its importance. I recall my own instructor who began emphatically:
“ I love teaching marriage preparation. Why? Because every year I find myself in a room full of hope filled faces staring back at me, faces that believe so strongly that loves endures and that marriage is forever. A room full of hope! Where else can one find this???“
Sadly, the course went downhill from there. Having a gifted teacher does not suffice. The good teacher must also come equipped with good material and it’s exactly this lack of good material that has left many couples wanting more.
The most common complaint I hear is:”I was expecting more substance, something deeper to grasp onto, a reference point from which to draw from through good times and bad.” And while it’s true that most couples walk away with some good pointers, it’s rare that they leave feeling well equipped on both a spiritual and human level for the undertaking of a lifetime partnership.
After having experienced my own personal ‘let down’ in the area of marriage prep, you can imagine my joy (and relief) upon hearing that Pope Benedict is coming to the rescue. Addressing members of the Pontifical Council for the Family currently taking part in their annual plenary assembly, the Holy Father revealed that the Vatican is preparing a handbook of preparation for marriage inspired by the ideas of John Paul II. He said the document will be based around three main preparation stages: “remote, proximate and immediate.” He explains:
"Remote preparation concerns children, adolescents and young people. It involves the family, the parish and school, places in which people are educated to understand life as a vocation of love, a love which then takes specific form in the way of marriage or of virginity for the Kingdom of Heaven. In this period, the meaning of sexuality must progressively emerge as a capacity to relate, a positive energy to be integrated into authentic love."
"Proximate preparation," he added, “concerns engaged couples and must be configured as an itinerary of faith and Christian life, leading to a deep knowledge of Christ and the Church, of the meaning of grace and responsibility in marriage. ... It should include a course of catechesis and of experience living in Christian communities, involving contributions from priests and other experts” as well as “the accompaniment of an exemplary Christian couple ... in a climate of friendship and prayer. It is important to take particular care that on these occasions the fiancees revive their personal relationship with the Lord Jesus, especially by listening to the Word of God, using the Sacraments and, above all, by participating in the Eucharist.”
He continued: “Immediate preparation takes place as the marriage approaches. Apart from the examination of the fiancees, as laid down by Canon Law, it could also include catechesis on the rite of marriage and its meaning, a spiritual retreat, and efforts to ensure that the celebration of marriage is seen by the faithful (and especially by those preparing for it) as a gift for the whole Church, one that contributes to her spiritual growth.”
Imagine, a marriage prep that begins far before you meet your spouse or discover your life calling, one that accompanies you throughout your entire journey to the altar! I find myself developing a healthy jealousy of those who will be blessed to undergo such a thorough preparation. It’s a comfort to know that the church is responding to a need that is more urgent than ever considering the contemporary demands and cultural challenges that weigh heavily on today’s families.
There is also much hope in the area of pastoral care and ongoing formation for those of us who have either recently or long ago pronounced our ‘I dos.’
Cardinal Ennio Antonelli addressed the Pope during the plenary, giving a presentation on the activities carried out by his dicastery after the 6th World Meeting of Families.
He noted that "the principal conclusions of Mexico City were that a pastoral program was needed "for and with families.”
The Holy Father then acknowledged the various initiatives being carried forward by the council that will focus on raising awareness of the fundamental value of the family for the life of the Church and of society. Among these initiatives is 'The Family, Subject of Evangelization,' which intends to collect, at the world level, valid experiences in the various areas of family pastoral care, so that they will serve as inspiration and encouragement for new initiatives. The second project is 'The Family, Resource for Society,' which intends to make evident to public opinion the benefits that the family brings to society, to its cohesion and its development."
Interestingly, some are taking their own initiatives in developing pastoral programs for families at a local level. Just last week I managed to catch an interview on the catholic news update ‘Perspectives’ with Blake Sittler, director and co-founder of the Office of Marriage and Family Life for the Diocese of Saskatoon in Canada. He is now busy readying the upcoming National Marriage Conference in Saskatoon, set to take place March 19-20th. Joking with the host, Blake revealed that he intentionally wanted to call the conference “Not Just Another Marriage Conference” to underscore that this year's participants can expect a lot more.
Having chosen “A Time for Hope: Finally, Good News About Marriage” as the final conference title, Blake explained that the speakers are geared up to address the current struggles of today’s families and reveal the opportunities that exist for growth in ministry, education and awareness of what the vocation of marriage really means. He also underlined how the focus will be on unveiling the opportunities that exist for improving our marriage preparation and our marriage enrichment.
I’m certain that Blake is just one of several who, alongside the Vatican, are taking it upon themselves to address this great need in our Church and our society. “The good news about marriage”… is that support is on its way.
Michele Nuzzo-Naglieri
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